Happy Gilmore is real, and he plays cricket for Pakistan

Happy Gilmore is a fictional character played by Adam Sandler in two movies of the same name, nearly three decades apart.

After failing to make it big as a hockey player, life forces Happy to turn to golf.

He is able to translate his hockey skills to PGA glory, pairing an animated gallop with a wild slapshot. He wins plenty on-screen, and etches his name into pop culture legend off it.

The closest thing we have had to Happy Gilmore in real life was on display at Edgbaston during the third day of Pakistan’s third and final Test against England on Friday.

Up until debutant Razaullah walked in to bat in the third innings, there had not been much to write home about all series from the visitor’s perspective. A tour so dreadful that even the most optimistic Pakistan fans had switched off their television sets.

After Razaullah was done batting, even the most partisan English fans were queueing up to join his fan club.

The 21-year-old is not a seasoned professional. He had played just eight first-class games prior to his debut.

Razaullah is not even primarily a batter. A tearaway quick by trade, he impressed with an expensive four wicket haul in the innings prior, trapping Joe Root with his fourth ball in Test cricket. His speeds and whippy bowling action were reminiscent of Pakistan’s fast bowling heritage, even if the accuracy was not always there.

With the bat though, Razaullah has the technique of a caveman trying to obliterate a beehive with a stick.

When he misses, there is a high chance of getting stung. When he manages to connect, the bees are pulverised, the hive is history, and there is honey dripping everywhere. The place is a complete mess and yet you are left licking your fingers.

He boasts a hundred in first-class cricket, which he scored as an opening batter, and yet watching him wield a bat makes you marvel at the science of it all.

Gifted with incredible hand-eye coordination, Razaullah swings his bat like a golf club when the ball is full, and like a baseball bat when it is not.

There is nothing complicated about him. If anything he might just be the most binary batter to have ever existed.

He clears his front leg and opts for baseball or golf depending on the length, with the result oscillating between humiliating miss and bye bye ball.

It is not about timing either. Just simple, brute strength, which could become the stuff of nightmares for bat manufacturers.

In the press conference after the day’s end, Razaullah mentioned how he had brought three bats to England on short notice, drafted in as an emergency replacement for players who lost their jobs mid-series. He broke two of those bats during his blitz, making the fans dressed in Flintstones attire feel like he is one of their own.

Jofra Archer had smashed the most sixes in this series, belting four across as many innings. England’s entire batting unit had contributed four more, taking their team tally of maximums to eight in three Tests.

After his whirlwind knock of 81 off 63 deliveries, Razaullah had taken his personal count to nine sixes. This was his second outing with the bat. All of a sudden it made complete sense why those bats felt the need to fall apart.

There is a stand at Edgbaston under construction, which is expected to be ready for the Ashes Test next year. Razaullah tried his best to delay those timelines, pummeling two sixes in that region. Brand new windows be damned, in the esteemed company of broken bats and the remaining fragments of that beehive.

Ollie Robinson has been unplayable all series, toying with Pakistan’s batters with the ball on a string. Razaullah slammed him for four with a back foot punch that made you question whether there was more to his batting than all those blind slogs.

The exuberance of his youth was evident when he opted to storm off after being adjudged out, leg-before wicket. Mohammad Ali at the other end had to remind him to review the decision, which he survived, only to get stumped very next ball.

Pakistan went from nearly losing by an innings twice in three games, to posting a target of 130 runs.

England batting again was a slight possibility, but not a soul in the universe had imagined this Test to bleed to a fourth Day. Razaullah ensured both.

The right arm quick is now level with Corbin Bosch for most runs scored by a number nine batter on Test debut.

He has also hit the joint most sixes by any cricketer in their first ever Test.

Three other blokes from Pakistan, including Babar Azam, scored half centuries, only for Razaullah to steal all the thunder. Hell, Razaullah was the bloody thunder. Proper Thor-incarnate.

England will probably win this Test without much difficulty to complete a series sweep at home, but what Razaullah has provided is a glimpse into what Pakistan cricket used to be. Unmatched euphoria with the chaos meter bumped up to ultra high.

You try to understand the phenomenon, but fail, because making sense of anything is a futile exercise. It’s just the sheer joy of being able to witness something that is beyond the realms of space and time. Embracing the madness is the only modus operandi.