t’s never a good feeling when someone trivialises your opinions, especially in public. It’s even worse when that someone is your husband — and worse still when he does it to prove a point.
Actor Sunita Marshall spoke up about this behaviour, which she believes is common among South Asian men during an on Monday on Good Morning Pakistan with host Nida Yasir.
In response to a message submitted by a viewer who was upset about her husband devaluing her words in front of other people, Marshall didn’t mince her words when she said this negative attitude towards wives is far too common in this region of the world.
“In my opinion, 98 per cent of men in the Subcontinent do this. They mock [their wives] for sport. They’d be sitting with friends and just making fun of them, for no reason. This is far more common here, compared to the West. There, they actually frown upon people who indulge in this sort of behaviour,” she said.
She also highlighted how some husbands silence their wives and dismiss their opinions because they view them as ‘less’.
“If a wife gives advice in front of everyone, the husband immediately tells her to keep her opinions to herself or says she knows nothing. He could have explained later, privately, that her suggestion wasn’t right,” she added.
Marshall traced this behaviour to a deeper root: the way men are conditioned to view their wives as lesser. She noted that wives typically address husbands with the more formal aap, while husbands often use the informal term tum — reflecting a linguistic hierarchy that assumes men as the superior gender.
“This mindset makes some husbands feel they can mock their wives,” she said.
So how exactly should one deal with disagreement with their partners so as to avoid disrespecting them?
“Both men and women ought to be cognisant of their tones during a discussion,” Marshall advised, as it has the tendency to convert a disagreement into a fight.
Whether or not Marshall’s 98pc figure holds up, it’s very common to see men taking direct or passive-aggressive swipes at their wives in public. Think of your own uncle who loves making jokes about his wife at family dawats. His jokes aren’t even funny, but he laughs heartily with every lame jibe.
This isn’t always considered overt cruelty in desi households. It’s an everyday kind of cruelty that we’re all too used to seeing: a sly interruption, a laughed-off opinion, a disparaging remark or a wife who learns to stay quiet because speaking up invites disapproval and humiliation.
These ‘jokes’ — which shouldn’t really be considered jokes at all — are common because, like Marshall said, wives are often considered less than their husbands. Try making a joke like that about a husband and see just how much he laughs.
These small moments pile up, shaping not only how couples see each other but, more importantly, how children learn to see marriage and respect for one’s spouse.
While we believe Marshall’s diplomatic advice holds weight, we think an even easier solution is for men to stop dehumanising their wives and learn not to mock them in public.
